A few months ago, I realized I hadn’t failed enough in my life. Why would I want to fail? I believe failure teaches us, and a lack of failure also teaches us. For me, the lessons I’d learned were not good ones, and I didn’t like it.

There are always going to be failures that are meant to tell us to stop. Things that say, nope, you’re going the wrong way. But there are failures that tell us to try harder, push more, do better. In my life, I saw all roadblocks as failures that meant full stop. So I did.

In high school, I played varsity soccer. I’ve never been fast, but I was good at the game, so I made the team. I didn’t play a single game my first year on the team. When my second year started, I knew I’d get some playing time, but halfway through the season, I was the only player who still hadn’t made it into a game. Instead of pushing myself harder, I got upset and told the captain I was going to quit the team because there was no point in playing if I wasn’t going to get into a game. The coach put me in, but it was an empty victory because I didn’t learn to push myself.

In school, everything was easy. I got good grades and never had to put in much effort, so I never learned how to study effectively.

In life in general, if things got tough, I gave up instead of fighting harder. As an adult, I’ve realized how dangerous that is. It affects everything. I struggle to push through obstacles, and I give up when I think things get too hard.

I’ve set a goal for myself to fail more. To take more chances. To risk things that matter. It’s terrifying to do this, but I also need to learn that failure is not the end of the world. Sure, there are times when a failure means to stop, but not every failure means to stop. Some failures need to mean try harder, push harder, do more. And unless I do that, I’ll never know which are which.

Where do you go when the person you trust isn’t who you thought he was?

Ashleigh married another man, but she never forgot her first love. When she needs someone to keep her safe, she runs straight into his arms…and his bed.

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