Merry Christmas

Holly hated the way her heart leapt at the sight of him. He was wearing one of the suits she liked the most, charcoal gray with a midnight blue dress shirt beneath, no tie. The shirt set off his eyes and the dark color of the suit made his hair look even darker.

She hated how attractive he was.

She also hated that he needed to talk to her, although she knew why.

“You’re not leaving,” he said once they were inside the office. “I know you don’t have another job to go to and I’m not going to let you leave.”

Holly bristled at his demanding tone. She’d been doing fine on her own and he wasn’t about to tell her how to live her life. Sure, she was going to have to give up her home and move in with her parents if she couldn’t find something new in about a week or two, but that was her choice to make, not his.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t see where you get a say in it. You’re my boss, that’s all. No matter what I might have thought before.”

His eyes locked on hers and held, like a missile ready for launch. She knew she shouldn’t have said that last part, but it slipped out before she could clamp her mouth shut. And of course he didn’t miss anything.

“What did you think, Holly?” he asked softly, almost as though he was afraid of the answer.

“It doesn’t matter. Not now. Not after I found out you manipulated me and my son.”

He closed his eyes, hiding his thoughts and emotions from her. When he opened them again, she was startled to see everything he laid bare at her feet.

“I never meant to hurt you. When I saw you that first night… you were the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid eyes on. Once you were close enough for me to realize who you were I knew I was sunk. I hated the way you and Bobby spoke of me, but I knew you were both right. I was an ass, probably still am, but I’m trying. I don’t want you to leave. I understand why you feel like you should, but I promise you I’ll keep my distance from you. I won’t do anything to make you uncomfortable. And I still want you to work the adjusted hours we spoke of last week. Nothing’s changed except you know how much I want you.”

Holly wasn’t sure she could speak. He’d all but professed his love for her, and she stood there gaping at him like a fish gasping for breath. He couldn’t be serious though. They barely knew each other.

“You don’t even know me,” she finally managed to blurt out.

Bryan shrugged. “I know how your eyes sparkle when you look at your son, how your cheeks flush when you’re happy, how your lips part when you’re surprised. I know how you forget everything and everyone when you’re making sure Bobby is okay, how you’re dedicated to your work so much that you sacrifice everything else, and for that I’m sorry. I know you only want the best for everyone, and will put yourself last if you can do something for someone else. What I wish I knew was how your lips tasted when they touched mine, how your skin felt beneath my fingertips, the sound you’d make when I pulled you closed, the scent of your body first thing in the morning. I know I’ll never know those things, Holly, but if I were to meet Santa, and he were to give me one wish, that’s what I would wish for.”

Holly stopped breathing, seeing the truth in his eyes. He wasn’t teasing her. He was telling her the truth. So maybe she needed to tell him the truth as well.

“When I first saw you as Santa, I knew you were attractive. I also knew you were familiar. When you carried Bobby to my car you stole a piece of my heart. Then when you told me to spend more time with him you took another piece. All week you’ve been working your way past my defenses. Defenses I’ve worked a long time to construct. Defenses that came crumbling down when I realized the Santa I wanted to know and the boss I already knew were one in the same man. I was hurt, and scared, but what scared me the most was how much I wanted you.”

“Dear God, please tell me this isn’t a joke,” Bryan ground out as he stepped closer to Holly.

She tipped her head up and met his eyes, sliding her hands up his chest to his shoulders. “It’s not a joke, it’s a miracle, Secret Santa.”

Then she kissed him.

Bryan hated the look in her eyes when she realized who he was. Terror and sorrow and a little bit of anger thrown in for good measure. He’d wanted to do something nice for her, but now all she saw was a vindictive man who used her for his own personal gain.

The worst part was, Bryan wondered if she was right.

He shook the thought away and pushed through the doors to his office. He was in early again, hoping to beat her in. He knew Holly was going to try to go back to her old schedule, her old ways, but he wasn’t willing to let it happen, no matter what it took to convince her. Bryan was telling her the truth about wanting her to get back to the tasks he’d hired her to do, not baby-sit him.

Bryan also wanted her to have more time with Bobby. He was a good kid who deserved having his mother around more. Just like she deserved time with him.

Bryan busied himself with making coffee and sorting through email, waiting for Holly to arrive. It was four days before Christmas and Bryan was going to make sure Holly knew, before she left for the holiday, that she wasn’t going to lose her job, she didn’t have to work like crazy, and he never lied to her.

He’d barely slept all weekend, thinking about how hurt she’d been when she found out who he was. His eyes were having trouble focusing on the words in front of him, so he stumbled across the room for some coffee than sat down and tried again.

No matter how many times he read it though, the words said the same thing.

Holly was resigning.

Bryan swore out loud and threw the wooden pencil cup from his desk across the room. It shattered on the opposite wall and made him feel only slightly better. She was still leaving.

He knew she didn’t have another job. If she did he was confident she would have told ‘Santa’ on Friday. Nope, she was just leaving. Giving her two weeks notice.

Bryan glanced up at the clock. She would be there soon, and damn if he was going to roll over and accept her walking away from him.

When Holly finally arrived, Bryan had cleaned up the splinters of wood and the pens and pencils. He’d printed out her email and had a copy of it on his desk. He knew she wasn’t going to voluntarily go see him so he waited a few minutes until she was settled at her desk then walked out.

Bryan stood beside her silently for a moment, knowing she knew he was there. She didn’t look up at him, just stared at her computer screen. When he cleared his throat she took her time peeling her eyes away from the screen before meeting his. The red around her eyes and the blotchiness in her cheeks told him she’d been crying, probably as recently as on her drive into work.

His heart sunk and he knew, he just knew, he had to make things right between them.

“Could I see you in my office, please?”

She nodded and followed him wordlessly, but she did follow him.

He hesitated. She knew he wasn’t going to tell her, but she hoped. Then he hesitated and it was clear. He didn’t trust her.

“It’s okay. You don’t know me at all. You can’t trust me with a secret like that when you don’t know anything about me.”

He sighed heavily as though the weight of the world had been lifted from him when she let him off the hook.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you. I just know you’ll feel differently about me once you find out who I really am.”

Holly eyed him closely, stopping to stare at his face again. He paused and let her look, holding her gaze as she tried to place the eyes that were familiar in a way. She stared at him, eyes unfocused, as she replayed his voice in her head. It was there, tickling the edge of her brain, but it wouldn’t come out.

“I knew I knew you. I still just can’t figure it out though.”

“That’s because,” Santa began, peeling off bushy eyebrows to reveal dark ones underneath, “when I usually speak to you I’m not as pleasant. When I looked at you before, I barely saw you.” He wiped the rosy glow from his cheeks. “I’m not someone you would have ever given a second thought to because you never liked me. Not the real me. The secret behind Santa.”

Bryan pulled his beard down and revealed the rest of his face. Holly gasped as she recognized him, taking a step back as though he was going to swing at her. He dropped his gaze to her feet and his shoulders slumped over.

She didn’t care. He’d been dishonest with her. He’d flat out lied to her. Giving her extra time off because he knew she was looking for a new job, being nice because he thought she was going to leave him high and dry. And damn him, she’d started to believe in the miracle of Christmas again.

Holly could only think of her son, of Bobby sitting home with her mom. Holly had been so wrapped up in Santa, so enamored by him, that she ditched her son on her night off so she could see Santa again, not realizing she spent more hours with him than she did her son all week. She hated herself in that moment for choosing a man over her child, her flesh and blood.

“I have to go,” Holly said, backing away from Bryan.

“Please, Holly, let me explain.”

Tears stung her eyes, but she forced them back. “Don’t worry about it. I understand. You didn’t want me to quit so you played me. Makes perfect sense. But right now I need to spend some time with my son because I know I won’t get much of it in the future. You’ve made your point, and now I need to go.”

Holly spun and took off running, nearly falling when her heel caught a patch of ice. Bryan was calling her name, but she ignored him, running until she got to her car and driving off into the night.

Bryan couldn’t explain the sudden weight that was lifted from his shoulders when she said she liked him. He’d barely been able to think of anything but her since he saw her the week before, rushing to find her son, flushed cheeks, billowing hair, wild eyes. She was stunning in a way no woman ever appeared to him.

He knew he couldn’t have her. That being her boss made it impossible, not to mention that she neither liked nor trusted the man beneath the red suit.

But Santa… Well, he was a damned lucky man to have Holly’s approval.

Bryan reached for her hand as they walked. He wanted to touch her, but couldn’t risk scaring her off. He’d sensed a connection of some sort, and he was desperate to know what it would feel like to hold her bare skin under his fingers.

When their hands touched, Holly squeaked out a surprised breath. Bryan didn’t know if it was good or bad until she threaded her fingers through his and gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

“You’re going to make me ask, aren’t you?” Holly said after a minute.

“Ask what?”

“Ask who you really are… beneath the suit.”

Bryan lost his breath again, but this time was for a very different reason. He knew if she ever found of who he really was she’d never speak to him again.

And Bryan was not going to let that happen.