MARY E THOMPSON

it's a curvy road to happily ever after

Better vs Worse

Five Ways to Sneak a Moment Alone

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Welcome back for part four of four on creating your perfect wedding ceremony. Your ceremony is almost there. We’ve discovered the perfect place, added touches of you, and found the right words for your vows. Now we need to make sure you don’t get overwhelmed.

Your wedding day can be one of the most stressful days of your life. It was for me. You’re the host for dozens to hundreds of people. They all want a piece of your time, and there’s only so much. So before you even get to the reception, take some time for yourselves.

Five Ways to Sneak a Moment Alone

  1. Before you even walk down the aisle, ask for a few minutes by yourself. Your bridesmaids and parents want to be with you, but you’re about to change your life. Yes, for the better, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t stressful.
    Asking for a few minutes to yourself doesn’t mean you’re plotting an escape. It’s a way for you to remind yourself why you’re there. By the time you get to your wedding day, you’ll have debated canceling the whole thing and running off to Vegas a few times (or maybe that was just me). Taking a few minutes before the ceremony starts to bring yourself back to when he asked you to marry him, or when you went on your first date, or the first time you both said ‘I love you’ will remind you why you’re there in a really heavy dress and about to face tons of people.
  2. Refuse microphones during the ceremony. Some venues will have the ability to mic you and your fiancé so everyone there can hear every word you say. Refuse! Yes, it’s nice for your guests to know what you’re saying, but the wedding is for the two of you. Your families and anyone up close will still hear you, but your dad’s boss in the back row might not. That’s okay. It gives you a little privacy at a time when you have zero.
    And if you whisper, you can tell him you love him or say something dirty and no one will ever know. You can’t do that if you’re mic’d up!
  3. Have a room just for you after the ceremony. No wedding party, no family, just the two of you. Share a kiss and your favorite moment from the ceremony. Maybe he didn’t realize it was his grandma that whistled when you two kisses. Or maybe you didn’t see your best friend wiping her tears when you said ‘I do.’ You’ll want to know.
  4. Arrange your own transportation to the reception. You rented a limo and want to ride in it with all your friends and family. Or maybe you just need ten minutes to yourself. If you didn’t plan ahead and find yourself needing time alone, ask a relative or friend if they’ll switch places with you and ride in the limo and hand over the keys to their car.
    Yes, you’re surrendering your limo ride, but having a few minutes to decompress, especially if you have a long ceremony, might be worth more to you.
  5. Skip the receiving line. What?!? I hear all the etiquette people screaming right now. Everyone wants to talk to you. They came here to see you. You can’t skip saying hi.
    Actually, you can. Sort of.
    Receiving lines aren’t as popular now as they once were, so if you don’t have one, it won’t be that big of a deal. If it gives you anxiety to have to say hi to so many people at once, then don’t do it! Take the extra time that you would be standing in a receiving line and change into a new outfit or let your hair down or just sit somewhere quiet and breathe. This is your day. Take that break when you want to.
    Obviously, you know people want to talk to you. But there are plenty of opportunities at the reception to talk to them all. You don’t have to do it right after the ceremony. Give yourself some time and know you’ll see everyone.

Remember that this is your wedding day. If you’re the type of person who needs a few minutes after being the center of attention, take them! There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s better to disappear early and recharge than to skip the whole reception because you just can’t do it. Your family and friends will understand!

How did you find time alone on your wedding day?

Better vs. WorseOne taste of her and I was done. I wasn’t strong enough to resist her. Not once I had her. I knew I should say no. Walk away. Stay away. But she kept pulling me back in. Teasing me with her sweet smile and sexy laugh. And don’t get me started on the way she flaunted her curves. Oh, no. She didn’t do any of it on purpose, and that made it worse. She had no idea what she was doing to me. But I knew exactly what I wanted to do with her. Over and over and over again. 

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Finding The Right Words

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Today I’m sharing part three of four for creating your perfect ceremony. We’ve already talked about finding the perfect place for your ceremony and making it uniquely yours. This week I wanted to dig a little deeper into your vows. They’re arguably the most important part of the ceremony, so they deserve a little extra attention.

Vows, like every other aspect of your wedding, can be as traditional or non-traditional as you want. I mentioned before that my husband and I chose to use traditional vows for our wedding. I thought about writing our own vows, but he wanted to use the same ones that our families would have used for generations.

If traditional is the way to go for you, talk to your families. Ask if there was anything in their vows that they carried on from anyone else. Where did they get their vows? For us, our priest (we were married in a Catholic Church) read them to us. We didn’t offer any suggestions, just let him read the vows that were traditional for Catholic ceremonies.

Your particular faith likely has a traditional set of vows that are read at weddings. I found this article from Brides.com about vows from different faiths and thought it was a great starting point.

The thing to remember is nothing is set in stone, so even if you want to go traditional, you can ask your officiant what vows they intend to read and to allow you the freedom to alter them slightly.

If you’re more adventurous, or want to personalize your ceremony even more, you might want to try your hand at writing your own vows.

Writing your own vows can be tough. You’re pouring everything you want to say to the person you love in a two minute speech that you’re going to say in front of all your friends and family. Which means keep it short, and don’t get too personal.

Do you really want your grandma to hear the private details of your relationship?

I hope not.

Start by talking to your fiancé. Agree on the tone of the vows (silly or serious, romantic or real, etc.). If you’re taking the time to write your own, you probably want them to reflect who you are as a couple.

My husband and I both have a very dry sense of humor. When we met, he made me laugh. We’ve spent years laughing together, so if we wrote our own vows, they would have had a humorous tone to them. I also know I would have included something about laughter in our marriage.

Decide together if you’re going to keep them separate from each other or if you’re going to share parts or the whole thing with each other in advance. Maybe you want to vow something special, a phrase that you say to each other. Or you want to have some words or phrases the same in both. Agree on those and make sure you can work them in to the vows you plan to write.

Think about why you’re going to be standing in front of all your friends and family and promising to love, honor, and cherish the person you’re writing those vows for. What do you love about him? What made you say yes to that first date, or ask him out the first time? What drew you to him? What keeps you going back to him again and again?

It helps to write the answers out. Pick out words that keep coming up. If you repeat them, they mean something to you. Thread those words into your vows, wrap them up with the way you feel, and you’ll come up with the perfect vows.

You know you love him. Finding a way to tell him just how much he means to you isn’t going to be easy. But it is very possible. When you think you’ve got it, practice. Make sure it’s not too long. Keep practicing until you know every word is the exact one you want to use. When he hears the words you put together just for him, he’ll know how much you love him, and so will everyone else lucky enough to witness your love.

Do you plan to write your own vows or go with traditional vows?

Better vs. WorseDo you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to make her laugh and kiss her goodnight? Do you promise to love her as much as the ocean and surround her with your love? Do you promise to give her all of you and accept all of her? Every day, from now until you are no more? 

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The Perfect Ceremony, part two

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Last week we talked about finding the perfect place for your wedding ceremony. So many of us get lost in the wedding that we forget about the marriage, but we also get so worried about the reception, we forget about the ceremony.

Without the ceremony, there is no wedding, no marriage, no reception!

Once you have the perfect place for your wedding, you need to start thinking about what it’s going to be like. I’m Catholic, and we were married in a Catholic church, so my wedding was very traditional in the sense of everyone there probably knew all the lines.

I like traditional ceremonies. I like knowing that the words my husband and I said to each other were the same words people have been saying for generations. That we’re joining a long line of couples who’ve made the same promises to each other, read similar stories, and followed the same traditions.

On the other hand, non-traditional ceremonies offer you the option to personalize it. To make it all about who you are as a couple. They allow you the freedom to put your touch on every aspect of the ceremony from the readings, which could be favorite poems instead of readings from a Bible, to the song you dance down the aisle to after your first kiss as a married couple.

Traditional ceremonies are going to have vows that are familiar to everyone. Whether that’s a religious ceremony with a set order, or a ceremony that’s formed by traditions of your family for generations, it’s something that is familiar. Some traditions could include:

  • Reading Bible stories
  • Father giving the daughter away
  • Exchanging rings
  • Exchanging vows
  • Jumping the broom
  • First kiss as husband and wife

Not all ceremonies will include all of these, but if they’re common in your culture or religion, they’re things that you might want to do to add a little bit of history and tradition to your ceremony.

As families have changed and people have grown away from the way families lived hundreds of years ago, people have come up with new ideas so symbolize their new marriage. Some of those ideas are:

  • Unity ceremony (could be candles or sand or water or even your favorite alcohol)
  • Writing your own vows
  • Reading poems or stories about the couple getting married
  • Dance into and out of your wedding
  • Encourage audience participation

Your wedding can be anything you want it to be. It’s your day, so make it just right for you.

Sometimes your location will dictate some of your wedding. If you’re in a church, you’re not going to be able to release paper lanterns when you say your vows. If you’re outside, candles might not be the best idea (even on a calm day, a light wind could blow out the candle). But there are always options to personalize your wedding.

  • Friends of mine got married in a church and danced down the aisle after they were married.
  • My cousin got married outside and had a sand unity ceremony.
  • Other friends of mine got married and during the vows, one of the kids called out (happily) which prompted others in the audience to cheer with them.

Sometimes things are spontaneous and sometimes you can plan ahead. The biggest thing to remember is to have fun. You’re starting the rest of your life with the person you’re going to be walking down the aisle with. Enjoy it!

How do you plan to make your ceremony unique?

Better vs. WorseI always played it safe. From the men I dated to the jobs I took on. Nothing I did ever rattled the fences. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop wanting my best friend’s brother. He was everything a man should be – kind, strong, confident, and sexy enough to set my sheets on fire. Too bad he was never between them with me when that happened. But one night, everything changed. One night he didn’t say no. And I knew I had to play it cool, or I really would get burned. 

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The Perfect Ceremony, part one

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It’s been a while since I planned a wedding, but I still remember going to my church when we were ready to pick a date and start planning our wedding. The coordinator at our church was adamant that we secure the church first because if they weren’t available, the reception wouldn’t matter. It wasn’t intended to be advice, but it was some of the best advice I received during the wedding planning process.

We spend a lot of time imagining our wedding. How many movies out there are about the perfect wedding? When you picture your perfect wedding, you probably picture the reception. The party. The fun part. But like our church coordinator told us, the reception can’t happen without the ceremony.

A lot goes into the ceremony. You have a lot of decisions to make. It’s the start of your life as a married couple, and I believe it sets the tone for your marriage.

So how do you create the perfect ceremony?

 

The first thing to figure out is if your ceremony is going to be religious or secular. If it’s religious, you probably have a church in mind. If not, start looking now. Some churches require you to be a member. Some will let you get married there, but could require a fee for non-members to use the church. And the most popular churches will book early. If you have your heart set on the church you went to when you were growing up, call them today. Don’t wait!

A secular ceremony is both easier and harder! It’s easier because your options are limitless, but it’s harder because your options are limitless. You can get married at a park, a hotel, a beach, a vineyard, a courthouse, your backyard, anywhere.

Close your eyes for a minute. Picture your spouse-to-be. Imagine him (or her) saying those iconic vows to you. Promising to love, honor, and cherish you forever. Professing his love to you in front of family and friends. Glance out at the crowd and see your parents, best friends, siblings, all the people you’re closest to.

Where are you?

What if the place you picture isn’t going to work?

Well, that happens. You could have religious restrictions but really want to get married at a park. Or you could envision your ceremony at the same church your parents got married, but it doesn’t exist anymore. Unfortunately, your wedding might not be perfect, but it will be perfect for you.

You don’t have to go back to the drawing board if your perfect spot isn’t an option.

What is it you love about the place you wanted to get married? Do you love being in nature so you want to be outside? What about a beautiful spring day with all the windows open in the church and tons of flowers, maybe even a few potted trees. Are you set on your parents’ church because of the history and familial connection, but it’s closed? What about the church your grandparents got married in? Or your sister? Or a close cousin? Or a new tradition with your home church. Or go to somewhere that’s similar to the church where your parents got married. A sister church that has similar features. There are always options.

There are tons of options for a ceremony location, as many as there are reception locations. The most important part is finding the place that’s perfect for you. Think outside the box. Look for something new, or something old, never forget you can borrow a church from a friend, and hey, maybe it’ll be blue!

That’s step one. Find your perfect place. The place where you’re going to actually become husband and wife. The place where you get to tell everyone you know how much you love your spouse-to-be.

Next week we’ll talk a little about designing the ceremony itself.

If you’re already married, how did you choose the location of your ceremony? If you’re not, do you have any ideas of where you’d like to get married one day?

Better vs. WorseHaving a crush on my little sister’s best friend was not good. I knew it from the first moment I noticed her as a woman instead of a kid. There was just something about her that I couldn’t deny. Damn if that didn’t get harder and harder to do as she showed me the kind of woman she was. But I wasn’t right for her. I wasn’t what she needed, or what she wanted. No matter how many times she flirted with me. It was self-preservation to turn her down. Because I knew if I ever had her, I’d never be able to let her go. 

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Better vs. Worse, reviews

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Better vs. WorseReviews are always so important. I read reviews on books that I’m debating on buying, and once in a while, I read reviews on my own books. This one was sent directly to me, and I love it because it so perfectly reflects how I felt when I was writing Better vs. Worse.

Jeannie says…

I read this book and I got so mad at Kapena, I was yelling out loud at him “what’s your problem! “Get it together! “You’re making feel like you are really stupid! Then I yelled at Ada awhile telling her not to play games with guys if you serious about them. I got so mad I had to put the book down. About 15 minutes later, I realized oh my gosh, I can’t believe how I am reacting to a book.You’d think it was a soap!
It was 4:00 am. I had to find out what happened. I couldn’t put it down. I had to finish…

I laughed so hard when I read Jeannie’s words. Yep. Exactly. I felt the same way the entire time I wrote Kapena and Ada’s story!

If you haven’t read Better vs. Worse yet, go grab your copy now!

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Better vs. Worse, getting sassy

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Better vs. WorseWe all know men like Kapena. The ones who think they know everything, especially when it comes to what we need. My favorite is when a woman puts him in his place and he knows it.

That’s not to say I’m not a fan of men, or of them trying to protect us. Just that they don’t always know best, even if they think they do. Give them something to think about, just like Ada does!

Excerpt from Better vs. Worse

“Holy shit,” she finally said. “That was unbelievable.”

I nodded against her neck knowing no words would do it justice. Would do her justice.

“We might need to try that again one day.”

And just like that, the barriers I put up around myself snapped back into place. I couldn’t plan for more sex with Ada. She was one of those women I’d never have. The most important one. She defined out of reach.

“This, whatever this is, we’re not starting something,” I said, regretting the harsh tone of my voice.

But she laughed. She extricated herself from my embrace and looked back at me with amusement in her eyes. “Of course not. I told you I’m going to have fun. I’m enjoying sex. You didn’t think you were the only one I was with, did you?”

The casual dismissal of what just happened between us stuck in my chest like a barb. I deserved it, and I knew it, but it still fucking hurt.

“Of course. It’s fine. Whatever. We’re not in a relationship. That’s all I meant.”

She nodded and stood, her sexy body pulling my gaze. Every inch of her demanded my attention, holding it until she blocked my view with clothes.

Clothes?

What the fuck?

“Are you leaving?”

She smiled and pulled her shirt over her head. “Uh, yeah. I’m not going to stay here. We slept together. We aren’t in a relationship. You just said that.”

“But last time…”

“Last time I was drunk. I haven’t had anything to drink.”

“You tasted like wine when you got here,” I accused.

She smiled. “I had one glass at dinner. Hours ago. There’s no reason for me to stay, Kapena. Unless you can think of one.”

Read the whole thing today!

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