At some point in our lives we are all faced with a choice… Do you settle for what you have (or what is being offered) or do you hold out for something better?

The tricky part is that what you have is a sure thing and something better is not.

A little over a year ago my husband decided to get a new vehicle. We’d been living with only one for about two years because we carpooled to work and our kids were young enough that we didn’t have activities that required us to part ways. It worked for us, but as Princess got closer to kindergarten, we knew we needed a second vehicle.

Hubby did his research and decided he wanted a Subaru Outback. It’s reliable, it’s powerful, and he loves Subaru. We started looking… and looking… and looking. We found nothing. Nothing that fit his desires and our budget.

We had two options, settle for something else or adjust what we were willing to pay.

In the end we did both. We increased our budget but still couldn’t find any Outbacks that worked so hubby started searching for other options. We ended up with a great Ford Escape, but for a year hubby has complained about it because it’s not an Outback, it’s not the right color (silver), the interior isn’t the right color (grey), it doesn’t have certain features he likes, and on and on and on.

If I could go back a year and change our minds, I’m pretty sure I would.

We settled, and while we got a great vehicle, it’s not the right one for hubby.

I got an email from one of my subscribers a few weeks ago. R said she was in a funk and not doing well in the love department. We’ve all been there. We’ve all wondered if the guys out there are ever going to get better or if we’ve dated the decent ones and missed something. Or if there’s not really something better and we’re going to need to choose to be with one of the duds or to be alone.

I was lucky. I met my husband when I was 21. We started dating when I was 22 and we were married when I was 24. It seems so long ago now, but the day I met him, I knew I was going to marry him.

Not everyone will have that feeling, I know, but I do believe there is a point in every relationship where you know it’s going to work out or it’s not. One of my exes told me, ‘Women have sex because they’re in love but men have sex to fall in love.’ I’m pretty sure that conversation was the moment when I knew things wouldn’t work out with him.

Another ex and I broke up all the time. I always figured if we couldn’t ever get it right when we were just dating we’d never figure it out forever.

There were guys I liked more than they liked me, and guys who liked me more than I liked them. There were people I wanted to be able to see myself with but we didn’t have enough in common. And there were guys who broke my heart without a second thought.

But in all that I knew something better was waiting. Someone who would never make me feel like I wasn’t quite right, like we were having to try too hard to make it work. Someone who would value my opinion and work with me to figure things out. Someone who would always be there for me.

I know it’s what you want too. It’s what R wants. We all do.

I read an article earlier this week about a woman who said her husband is not her best friend. She has a best friend she likes to do things with and her husband is different, someone she loves, but not the person she’s always going to go to.

It works for her. But it would never work for me.

I have a couple of best friends, women who I’ve known forever who are always there for me. The friends who you know would help you hide the body (you know what I’m talking about). My friends are amazing women that I can pick up the phone and call at any point and it’s like no time has passed no matter how long it’s been.

But my husband… I can’t imagine going even one day without him. When I cry, it’s him I want to talk to. When I’m excited, it’s him I want to share it with. When I’m bored, it’s him I want to go out with.

Maybe this has come from being in a city for so many years without my best friends. Once upon a time I couldn’t imagine thinking of my husband as my best friend, but he is, without a doubt, my best friend now.

I can’t imagine having settled for one of those other men in my life. Two of my exes got in touch with me after I met my husband. One was only a few months after we started dating and the other was when I was pregnant with our first kid. I could tell from those conversations that they were calling to see if we had a chance left. Both of them wanted to settle for me because they hadn’t found anyone else.

I was sad for them. Both were great guys, but they were grasping at straws to find someone to settle down with, someone to settle for. Neither relationship would have worked in the long run for a variety of reasons, but both conversations reminded me that my choices were the best ones for me. And I was not settling for someone who was good enough.

I hope you don’t live with regrets. I hope you never know what it’s like to settle for a person and then find the one you’ve been looking for. I hope The One shows up before you ever think about settling, but I know the wait is hard.

Keep looking. Keep searching. And keep reminding yourself you are worth waiting for.