MARY E THOMPSON

it's a curvy road to happily ever after

Weddings

Taking It Local

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So far we’ve talked about finding the perfect spot for your destination wedding and treating your guests while they’re there. In this last post, we’re going to talk about bringing the local area into your wedding.

Planning a wedding is stressful. No matter what, it’s going to be tough. But the actual wedding and the memories you make will make you smile for years. To make it even better, make it unique to you and where you spend your time!

Bring in the local flair!

Okay, you’re thinking I’m nuts. I get it. Bringing in something local will not make it unique to you. You’re not from there or living there or whatever. But if you chose to get married there, it’s a special place. And showing your guests a little about what you love about the area is absolutely going to make it unique!

So how do you do it? I’m so glad you asked!

Food

The easiest way to bring the local area into your wedding is to incorporate some local foods. Think barbecue in the south, a luau in Hawaii, or chicken wings if you come visit me in Buffalo! Every area has local foods that represent the culture of the area. Maybe you have a favorite restaurant in the area. See if they can fix an appetizer if you don’t want them to prepare the entire wedding. Or a special dessert. You can also try something completely new! If you’re going to an area you haven’t been to before, ask family, friends, or the person helping you plan your wedding (I highly recommend working with a local) for suggestions. It’s a wonderful way to honor the place you’re visiting and introduce your guests to something new.

Traditions

You might not think of local traditions immediately, but it wouldn’t take much to learn about them. In Hawaii, leis are a part of everything. They welcome visitors to the island, are used in many local traditions, and there are special ones for a wedding. I can’t imagine a wedding in Hawaii without leis. Just like a beach wedding wouldn’t be complete without sand in your shoes, local traditions can be a lot of fun to bring into your wedding.

Things To Do

We talked last time about treating your guests and planning events together, but I thought that was important enough to mention again here. Show your family and friends around the area where you’re staying. Your wedding doesn’t have to be just one day when you have a destination wedding. You can spend a week or a few days with your loved ones, showing them around your chosen location. In Boy vs. Girl, and all of the Opposites Attract stories, the couple getting married, and sometimes their friends and family, go surfing! You can take a tour of the local area, go visit a famous landmark, or meet at your favorite restaurant. Any number of things can bring all your guests together so they can see exactly what you love about the place you chose to celebrate your love!

How can you take your destination wedding local?

 

Boy vs. GirlHow do you resist what you want?

Been there, done that. Had the scars on my heart to prove it. I was not getting involved with anyone else. It wasn’t worth it. But she didn’t want anything except a fling. We agreed from the start. Then everything changed. I wanted more. But I was the only one. 

Available now!

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Treat Your Guests

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If you missed my last post about choosing a great location for your destination wedding, you can read that here. 

Congratulations again!

Planning your wedding is so much fun, but it can be stressful. When you plan a destination wedding, things can be both easier and harder.

Once you’ve decided where you’re going to get married, you need to talk to your guests. Destination weddings tend to be smaller since a vacation is involved, but that just means you won’t be inviting your mom’s first boss that she still sends a Christmas card to, but hasn’t seen in twenty years. Count your blessings!

The guests that do come to your wedding will be the people you’re closest to. They will be your parents, your best friends, your siblings. They’re going to be paying a lot of money to share in your wedding with you, so treating them, and treating them well, will be very important.

Most of you won’t be able to pay for your guests to travel. If you can, you’re a rock star, but if you can’t, don’t feel bad. Most of us wouldn’t be able to pay for flights, hotels, and meals for multiple people for an extended stay in a fabulous location. That’s okay! Your family and friends can handle it, and the number that are willing to is a testament to you and how much they love you. If they can’t come, don’t feel bad. Maybe you can plan a night out when you get home with family and friends who couldn’t make the trip.

For those who do make the trip, I want to share a few things you can do to make them feel special and to help them have a great time.

Plan Ahead

Before you even tell them about the wedding, find accommodations they will enjoy. If everyone coming is family, or close friends, consider looking into large houses for rent. You could offer up the idea of everyone sharing one large space and splitting the cost instead of everyone getting a hotel room. If you don’t think that will work, do research into local hotels and hold a block of rooms at a discounted price for your guests. Having everyone stay in the same location will make it possible for them to carpool to events or plan things together. If you do a little research ahead of time, it’ll make things easier for them.

Get Together

Depending on how long everyone is in town for, you could plan a group activity. Wherever you’re going, there’s bound to be a lot to do. Think of something the majority of your guests would enjoy, whether it’s surfing in Hawaii, a museum tour in DC, or hiking in the mountains, take time for everyone to get together. Plan it well in advance, and if possible, you can pay for it. Your guests will appreciate the time with you and your soon-to-be spouse in a low-key environment.

Share Ideas

You know the location. Maybe it’s not a place you’ve been to often, or at all, but you’re planning your wedding there. You know it better than your guests are likely to. Put together a visitor’s guide of your favorite places and things to do. You can email it to all your guests before the wedding so they can plan ahead, and include a copy in a gift basket you leave in the room for them. This way they have built in ideas to stay busy without having to figure it all out themselves.

Give Back

One of the sweetest things you can do for your guests is give them a gift. They traveled to be with you for your wedding. They’re the people you’re closest to in the world. You love them, I know you do. So give them a gift. Maybe take whatever you would normally have as a favor and include it in a gift basket. Take a few local items, a couple things that mean something to you, and a few useful items for their trip. Most hotels will be happy to leave gift baskets in the rooms your guests will be checking in to.

If you’re going to a beach location, add sunscreen and a hat to a small beach bag with a map of the area that has all your favorite beaches marked. You could throw in a few bottles of water or a bottle of wine, too.

If you’re headed into the city, give a gift card to a favorite local restaurant. Add in a flyer about the museum down the street and a pint glass from the local brewery you always stop by first.

If you’re keeping it quiet at a lakeside retreat, give your guests a welcome basket with snacks and bottles of water (reusable with your name and date could be fun and useful). If a grocery store is far away, they’ll really appreciate the food. Add in walking or driving directions to your favorite spots to keep them entertained.

Be Present

The hardest thing with any wedding is feeling like you got to visit with all your guests. For a destination wedding, you might luck out and have a longer period of time with your guests. If you do, try to be there with them. Plan a trip to the spa with your mom, sister, and girlfriends. Plan a date night with your dad. Spend time with your grandma when everyone else is out doing something else. No matter what you think, your life will be different when you get married. You’ll still see the people you love, but it might be more of a challenge, and it might not be one on one. Take some time to see the people you love the most and tell them how much you appreciate them sharing your special day with you.

They love you!

No matter what you do, your guests love you. They want to be there with you, and adding in a little something extra that they don’t expect will be a nice surprise when they show up to celebrate. Have fun with it!

What would you do to treat your guests?

 

How do you resist what you want?

I never should have gotten involved. I was smarter than that. But she was impossible to resist. And after I stopped resisting, I wanted more and more of her, from her, with her. It was my fault. I knew better. I still couldn’t stop myself. 

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Where will your dreams take you?

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Congratulations! You’re getting married. The easy part is over. You found the one person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Now you need to plan the wedding.

And you thought finding him was hard. Ha!

I’m just kidding, well sort of. Planning your wedding is not as easy as we’d all like to think it is. You can have anything you want. It’s your big day. But I know that isn’t always practical.

What could be a lot of fun is a destination wedding. Where would you go?

Destination weddings have become more and more popular over the last few years. It’s a chance to get away from all the stress of every day life and relax with your closest family and friends in a different location. No, it isn’t cheap, but you can do it in a way that doesn’t break the bank.

First, you have to figure out where you want to go.

Did you meet somewhere that’s special to you? Did you go on vacation somewhere that you love? Are you planning a honeymoon? Those answers could help guide you to your ideal destination wedding location.

Just for you

If you met somewhere special, it might be a good choice for a destination wedding. My husband and I met in college, and we love our alma mater. We’ve been in the crowd at football games when fans have actually gotten married at halftime, or been brought onto the field before opening kick-off to be announced. That would be pretty awesome!

There are all kinds of ideas to use the place you met, especially if you don’t live there anymore. Take a trip down memory lane, literally, and turn it into a wedding adventure for all your guests!

Going back

Where was your first vacation together? Or your favorite vacation? If you’ve ever been someplace together that you loved and wanted to return to because it became your place, maybe you should get married there. A destination wedding doesn’t have to be somewhere tropical or popular. You can go back to the lakeside cabin you rented your first weekend away. Or to the mountain resort you stayed at on a skiing trip. Or, yes, you can head back to the beach where you first said I love you. Think of a place that is special and meaningful to the two of you, and go there!

Two birds, one stone

If you’re planning to go on a honeymoon, you can always plan your wedding at the same location. Friends of mine eloped on a cruise ship. They got married on the ship before they left their first port of call and spent the rest of the cruise on their honeymoon. When we were on our honeymoon in Hawaii, a couple and their families wandered off the beach in wedding wear into the luau we were at, clearly having just been married on the beach at sunset.

One of the obvious downsides to getting married in the same location where you’re going on your honeymoon is you might spend your honeymoon with family and friends instead of with just your new spouse, but if you’re okay with that, go for it!

What speaks to you?

Planning your wedding is one of the most personal things you can do. You’re blending your private life with your future spouse and your public life with family and friends. It’s a chance for you to show your family and friends the things you love about each other and love to do together. And the right destination will definitely start your marriage off in a way that’s special and meaningful and perfect for you.

Where do you dream of getting married?

 

I needed to do something to take my mind off being stuck on an island and unable to get in the water. He was a really nice distraction. Until I started to want him more than my dream. 

Available now!

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Five Ways to Sneak a Moment Alone

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Welcome back for part four of four on creating your perfect wedding ceremony. Your ceremony is almost there. We’ve discovered the perfect place, added touches of you, and found the right words for your vows. Now we need to make sure you don’t get overwhelmed.

Your wedding day can be one of the most stressful days of your life. It was for me. You’re the host for dozens to hundreds of people. They all want a piece of your time, and there’s only so much. So before you even get to the reception, take some time for yourselves.

Five Ways to Sneak a Moment Alone

  1. Before you even walk down the aisle, ask for a few minutes by yourself. Your bridesmaids and parents want to be with you, but you’re about to change your life. Yes, for the better, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t stressful.
    Asking for a few minutes to yourself doesn’t mean you’re plotting an escape. It’s a way for you to remind yourself why you’re there. By the time you get to your wedding day, you’ll have debated canceling the whole thing and running off to Vegas a few times (or maybe that was just me). Taking a few minutes before the ceremony starts to bring yourself back to when he asked you to marry him, or when you went on your first date, or the first time you both said ‘I love you’ will remind you why you’re there in a really heavy dress and about to face tons of people.
  2. Refuse microphones during the ceremony. Some venues will have the ability to mic you and your fiancé so everyone there can hear every word you say. Refuse! Yes, it’s nice for your guests to know what you’re saying, but the wedding is for the two of you. Your families and anyone up close will still hear you, but your dad’s boss in the back row might not. That’s okay. It gives you a little privacy at a time when you have zero.
    And if you whisper, you can tell him you love him or say something dirty and no one will ever know. You can’t do that if you’re mic’d up!
  3. Have a room just for you after the ceremony. No wedding party, no family, just the two of you. Share a kiss and your favorite moment from the ceremony. Maybe he didn’t realize it was his grandma that whistled when you two kisses. Or maybe you didn’t see your best friend wiping her tears when you said ‘I do.’ You’ll want to know.
  4. Arrange your own transportation to the reception. You rented a limo and want to ride in it with all your friends and family. Or maybe you just need ten minutes to yourself. If you didn’t plan ahead and find yourself needing time alone, ask a relative or friend if they’ll switch places with you and ride in the limo and hand over the keys to their car.
    Yes, you’re surrendering your limo ride, but having a few minutes to decompress, especially if you have a long ceremony, might be worth more to you.
  5. Skip the receiving line. What?!? I hear all the etiquette people screaming right now. Everyone wants to talk to you. They came here to see you. You can’t skip saying hi.
    Actually, you can. Sort of.
    Receiving lines aren’t as popular now as they once were, so if you don’t have one, it won’t be that big of a deal. If it gives you anxiety to have to say hi to so many people at once, then don’t do it! Take the extra time that you would be standing in a receiving line and change into a new outfit or let your hair down or just sit somewhere quiet and breathe. This is your day. Take that break when you want to.
    Obviously, you know people want to talk to you. But there are plenty of opportunities at the reception to talk to them all. You don’t have to do it right after the ceremony. Give yourself some time and know you’ll see everyone.

Remember that this is your wedding day. If you’re the type of person who needs a few minutes after being the center of attention, take them! There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s better to disappear early and recharge than to skip the whole reception because you just can’t do it. Your family and friends will understand!

How did you find time alone on your wedding day?

Better vs. WorseOne taste of her and I was done. I wasn’t strong enough to resist her. Not once I had her. I knew I should say no. Walk away. Stay away. But she kept pulling me back in. Teasing me with her sweet smile and sexy laugh. And don’t get me started on the way she flaunted her curves. Oh, no. She didn’t do any of it on purpose, and that made it worse. She had no idea what she was doing to me. But I knew exactly what I wanted to do with her. Over and over and over again. 

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Finding The Right Words

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Today I’m sharing part three of four for creating your perfect ceremony. We’ve already talked about finding the perfect place for your ceremony and making it uniquely yours. This week I wanted to dig a little deeper into your vows. They’re arguably the most important part of the ceremony, so they deserve a little extra attention.

Vows, like every other aspect of your wedding, can be as traditional or non-traditional as you want. I mentioned before that my husband and I chose to use traditional vows for our wedding. I thought about writing our own vows, but he wanted to use the same ones that our families would have used for generations.

If traditional is the way to go for you, talk to your families. Ask if there was anything in their vows that they carried on from anyone else. Where did they get their vows? For us, our priest (we were married in a Catholic Church) read them to us. We didn’t offer any suggestions, just let him read the vows that were traditional for Catholic ceremonies.

Your particular faith likely has a traditional set of vows that are read at weddings. I found this article from Brides.com about vows from different faiths and thought it was a great starting point.

The thing to remember is nothing is set in stone, so even if you want to go traditional, you can ask your officiant what vows they intend to read and to allow you the freedom to alter them slightly.

If you’re more adventurous, or want to personalize your ceremony even more, you might want to try your hand at writing your own vows.

Writing your own vows can be tough. You’re pouring everything you want to say to the person you love in a two minute speech that you’re going to say in front of all your friends and family. Which means keep it short, and don’t get too personal.

Do you really want your grandma to hear the private details of your relationship?

I hope not.

Start by talking to your fiancé. Agree on the tone of the vows (silly or serious, romantic or real, etc.). If you’re taking the time to write your own, you probably want them to reflect who you are as a couple.

My husband and I both have a very dry sense of humor. When we met, he made me laugh. We’ve spent years laughing together, so if we wrote our own vows, they would have had a humorous tone to them. I also know I would have included something about laughter in our marriage.

Decide together if you’re going to keep them separate from each other or if you’re going to share parts or the whole thing with each other in advance. Maybe you want to vow something special, a phrase that you say to each other. Or you want to have some words or phrases the same in both. Agree on those and make sure you can work them in to the vows you plan to write.

Think about why you’re going to be standing in front of all your friends and family and promising to love, honor, and cherish the person you’re writing those vows for. What do you love about him? What made you say yes to that first date, or ask him out the first time? What drew you to him? What keeps you going back to him again and again?

It helps to write the answers out. Pick out words that keep coming up. If you repeat them, they mean something to you. Thread those words into your vows, wrap them up with the way you feel, and you’ll come up with the perfect vows.

You know you love him. Finding a way to tell him just how much he means to you isn’t going to be easy. But it is very possible. When you think you’ve got it, practice. Make sure it’s not too long. Keep practicing until you know every word is the exact one you want to use. When he hears the words you put together just for him, he’ll know how much you love him, and so will everyone else lucky enough to witness your love.

Do you plan to write your own vows or go with traditional vows?

Better vs. WorseDo you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to make her laugh and kiss her goodnight? Do you promise to love her as much as the ocean and surround her with your love? Do you promise to give her all of you and accept all of her? Every day, from now until you are no more? 

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The Perfect Ceremony, part two

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Last week we talked about finding the perfect place for your wedding ceremony. So many of us get lost in the wedding that we forget about the marriage, but we also get so worried about the reception, we forget about the ceremony.

Without the ceremony, there is no wedding, no marriage, no reception!

Once you have the perfect place for your wedding, you need to start thinking about what it’s going to be like. I’m Catholic, and we were married in a Catholic church, so my wedding was very traditional in the sense of everyone there probably knew all the lines.

I like traditional ceremonies. I like knowing that the words my husband and I said to each other were the same words people have been saying for generations. That we’re joining a long line of couples who’ve made the same promises to each other, read similar stories, and followed the same traditions.

On the other hand, non-traditional ceremonies offer you the option to personalize it. To make it all about who you are as a couple. They allow you the freedom to put your touch on every aspect of the ceremony from the readings, which could be favorite poems instead of readings from a Bible, to the song you dance down the aisle to after your first kiss as a married couple.

Traditional ceremonies are going to have vows that are familiar to everyone. Whether that’s a religious ceremony with a set order, or a ceremony that’s formed by traditions of your family for generations, it’s something that is familiar. Some traditions could include:

  • Reading Bible stories
  • Father giving the daughter away
  • Exchanging rings
  • Exchanging vows
  • Jumping the broom
  • First kiss as husband and wife

Not all ceremonies will include all of these, but if they’re common in your culture or religion, they’re things that you might want to do to add a little bit of history and tradition to your ceremony.

As families have changed and people have grown away from the way families lived hundreds of years ago, people have come up with new ideas so symbolize their new marriage. Some of those ideas are:

  • Unity ceremony (could be candles or sand or water or even your favorite alcohol)
  • Writing your own vows
  • Reading poems or stories about the couple getting married
  • Dance into and out of your wedding
  • Encourage audience participation

Your wedding can be anything you want it to be. It’s your day, so make it just right for you.

Sometimes your location will dictate some of your wedding. If you’re in a church, you’re not going to be able to release paper lanterns when you say your vows. If you’re outside, candles might not be the best idea (even on a calm day, a light wind could blow out the candle). But there are always options to personalize your wedding.

  • Friends of mine got married in a church and danced down the aisle after they were married.
  • My cousin got married outside and had a sand unity ceremony.
  • Other friends of mine got married and during the vows, one of the kids called out (happily) which prompted others in the audience to cheer with them.

Sometimes things are spontaneous and sometimes you can plan ahead. The biggest thing to remember is to have fun. You’re starting the rest of your life with the person you’re going to be walking down the aisle with. Enjoy it!

How do you plan to make your ceremony unique?

Better vs. WorseI always played it safe. From the men I dated to the jobs I took on. Nothing I did ever rattled the fences. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stop wanting my best friend’s brother. He was everything a man should be – kind, strong, confident, and sexy enough to set my sheets on fire. Too bad he was never between them with me when that happened. But one night, everything changed. One night he didn’t say no. And I knew I had to play it cool, or I really would get burned. 

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