MARY E THOMPSON

it's a curvy road to happily ever after

Truth About Love

Fifty Shades of No Way

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I read an article earlier, and I honestly can’t find it again, that made me feel so much better about myself. I really thought I was the only one who hated 50 Shades of Grey.

Maybe hate is a little harsh. Maybe not. No matter what I only read the first book. There were so many things within the book that I just couldn’t swallow to read another word.

Do you remember your first time? Maybe it was in the back of a car, or your parents’ couch, or if you were lucky a bed. My guess is your first time was awkward, uncomfortable, and strange. I’m also going to guess it was pretty vanilla. And that afterward you were pretty vanilla with sex for a while. Maybe it’s just me, but my assumption is you have to figure out how to have sex before you can decide what you like.

I’ve never been involved in a BDSM relationship. It’s not something that interests me. I don’t write about them because I don’t know them and because I struggle to see where there is love in a relationship built on control. Some people enter into these relationships with someone they know and trust and love. But that relationship is built on something other than sex. A relationship built on sex alone, which is what I saw in Fifty Shades of Grey, is not one that will last.

I’m not trying to bash the writer or the people who enjoyed the book. Everyone reads a book and gets something different out of it. In my mind the relationship between Ana and Christian crossed the line to domestic abuse. In the real world, a relationship like theirs would be one where he could get rid of her and no one would ever know because he’s made of money. On top of that, she couldn’t ever go to the cops because of the contract.

The whole thing just bugged me. I bought into the hype and had to see for myself what it was all about. In all honesty, I could have gone the rest of my life without ever reading that book.

Oh, and if she ‘shattered’ one more time, I thought I was going to lose it.

If you choose to go see it, I’d be curious to know what you think. If you read the book, let me know if you think they did a good job with the movie. I know the book is always better, but let me know what you think!

Never, Ever, Ever Settle

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At some point in our lives we are all faced with a choice… Do you settle for what you have (or what is being offered) or do you hold out for something better?

The tricky part is that what you have is a sure thing and something better is not.

IMG_1553A little over a year ago my husband decided to get a new vehicle. We’d been living with only one for about two years because we carpooled to work and our kids were young enough that we didn’t have activities that required us to part ways. It worked for us, but as Princess got closer to kindergarten, we knew we needed a second vehicle.

Hubby did his research and decided he wanted a Subaru Outback. It’s reliable, it’s powerful, and he loves Subaru. We started looking… and looking… and looking. We found nothing. Nothing that fit his desires and our budget.

We had two options, settle for something else or adjust what we were willing to pay.

In the end we did both. We increased our budget but still couldn’t find any Outbacks that worked so hubby started searching for other options. We ended up with a great Ford Escape, but for a year hubby has complained about it because it’s not an Outback, it’s not the right color (silver), the interior isn’t the right color (grey), it doesn’t have certain features he likes, and on and on and on.

If I could go back a year and change our minds, I’m pretty sure I would.

We settled, and while we got a great vehicle, it’s not the right one for hubby.

I got an email from one of my subscribers a few weeks ago. R said she was in a funk and not doing well in the love department. We’ve all been there. We’ve all wondered if the guys out there are ever going to get better or if we’ve dated the decent ones and missed something. Or if there’s not really something better and we’re going to need to choose to be with one of the duds or to be alone.

I was lucky. I met my husband when I was 21. We started dating when I was 22 and we were married when I was 24. It seems so long ago now, but the day I met him, I knew I was going to marry him.

Not everyone will have that feeling, I know, but I do believe there is a point in every relationship where you know it’s going to work out or it’s not. One of my exes told me, ‘Women have sex because they’re in love but men have sex to fall in love.’ I’m pretty sure that conversation was the moment when I knew things wouldn’t work out with him.

Another ex and I broke up all the time. I always figured if we couldn’t ever get it right when we were just dating we’d never figure it out forever.

There were guys I liked more than they liked me, and guys who liked me more than I liked them. There were people I wanted to be able to see myself with but we didn’t have enough in common. And there were guys who broke my heart without a second thought.

But in all that I knew something better was waiting. Someone who would never make me feel like I wasn’t quite right, like we were having to try too hard to make it work. Someone who would value my opinion and work with me to figure things out. Someone who would always be there for me.

I know it’s what you want too. It’s what R wants. We all do.

I read an article earlier this week about a woman who said her husband is not her best friend. She has a best friend she likes to do things with and her husband is different, someone she loves, but not the person she’s always going to go to.

It works for her. But it would never work for me.

I have a couple of best friends, women who I’ve known forever who are always there for me. The friends who you know would help you hide the body (you know what I’m talking about). My friends are amazing women that I can pick up the phone and call at any point and it’s like no time has passed no matter how long it’s been.

But my husband… I can’t imagine going even one day without him. When I cry, it’s him I want to talk to. When I’m excited, it’s him I want to share it with. When I’m bored, it’s him I want to go out with.

Maybe this has come from being in a city for so many years without my best friends. Once upon a time I couldn’t imagine thinking of my husband as my best friend, but he is, without a doubt, my best friend now.

I can’t imagine having settled for one of those other men in my life. Two of my exes got in touch with me after I met my husband. One was only a few months after we started dating and the other was when I was pregnant with our first kid. I could tell from those conversations that they were calling to see if we had a chance left. Both of them wanted to settle for me because they hadn’t found anyone else.

I was sad for them. Both were great guys, but they were grasping at straws to find someone to settle down with, someone to settle for. Neither relationship would have worked in the long run for a variety of reasons, but both conversations reminded me that my choices were the best ones for me. And I was not settling for someone who was good enough.

I hope you don’t live with regrets. I hope you never know what it’s like to settle for a person and then find the one you’ve been looking for. I hope The One shows up before you ever think about settling, but I know the wait is hard.

Keep looking. Keep searching. And keep reminding yourself you are worth waiting for.

Love And Loss

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If you follow me on Facebook you already know my family lost our cat, Abigail, on Monday. It hit me harder than the rest of our family, probably because she was my cat. She slept on my pillow next to me, I had her before hubby and I lived together, and she was just the sweetest thing ever.

Abigail was the cat that never hissed or got upset. She would let my kids pick her up, sit on her, give her hugs, all without complaint. We have another cat, but no cat will ever replace Abigail in my heart.

Losing her made me realize just how much I loved her. Most days I was frustrated with her following me around (I tripped over her more times than I can count), telling me what to do, and having accidents (she’d been sick for a few weeks). But all of that was worth it to have her around.

But I didn’t appreciate her.

Now that she’s gone I wish I could go back and cuddle her more – not that she would have let me – or been sweeter to her. I loved her dearly, but loss always shows us how much we love someone.

Romance novels don’t talk about loss much because they’re usually about happy endings and something new starting. But when loss is a part of a story, it’s that much more powerful. One of my favorite books is The Remembrance Trilogy (yes, it’s three books, but it’s one story). I won’t spoil anything, but in the trilogy there is loss. It ripped my heart out and I felt like I was going through it with the characters.

Loss is painful, but it’s a part of life.

I don’t like writing about loss because it tears me up. I put myself in my characters position when I write, and I feel what they feel. Writing Becky’s story (Back In The Game) was hard because I knew she had to deal with the loss of her husband, Brian. Even though you never met Brian, I felt like I knew him because I knew Becky so well. Giving her the strength to deal with the loss she carried for over five years brought me to tears, literally.

But I knew it had to be done. Becky had to deal with Brian’s death before she could move on with her life. She had to go through the pain all over again so she could say goodbye to him once and for all, and live the rest of her life.

We all experience loss. Hopefully we all also know love. The stronger you love the harder it is to lose. Life is never the same when someone you love is gone. I know I’ll always miss Abigail sleeping next to me. I’ll miss her waiting to jump in the shower after I get out. I’ll even miss her telling me when something isn’t done to her liking. But my life will go on.

We look to love in times of loss to help us move forward. I look to my husband and kids to keep me strong. I know they will, but they’re missing her too. We will move forward together.

And before you ask, no, we will not be getting another cat!

Love At First Sight

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I’m one of the lucky ones. When I met my hubby, I knew I would marry him. I’m not kidding. It’s weird. What I didn’t know was his name. Yes, I’m totally serious.

Hubby and I met the first day of our senior year of college. I was talking to a friend I hadn’t seen in almost a year (I was on an internship the second semester and summer of my junior year and hadn’t been at school in nine months). Hubby walked in and sat down, then joined our conversation with a smart-ass remark.

Typical for him.

But he got my attention. It was funny, but I don’t remember what he said. We started sitting near each other in class and talked almost every day, but it was three weeks before I found out his name.

We talked regularly in class, but didn’t see each other outside class. I thought he was dating another classmate, until she got married (again, yes I’m serious). We started flirting a little more heavily in February, five months after we met and two months after the classmate got married. It was still three more months before our first date, but we never looked back.

If someone had told me the day we met that I would marry him, my first question would have been, “What’s his name?” But I would never have doubted it. Not for a second.

In May we will have been married ten years. It’s strange that today I’m writing love stories but in real life I live the story every woman dreams of. It took hubby and I a while to get together, and we learn something new about each other all the time, but there’s never been a doubt that we are meant to be together.

And that’s what I want for my characters. It sounds silly, but I think of my characters as friends and I want them to be just as happy as I am. I’m glad I get to create their happily ever after, just like I get mine.