Eddie didn’t answer her right away. He couldn’t breathe. When he’d opened the door he was certain he was going to pass out. He was sure he’d never see her again after his admission, and the smile on her face was so sweet, curious, beautiful, and it made his heart swell that it was for him.
Then she asked him that damn question. He couldn’t lie to her. She would see right through him, but he didn’t want to lie to her. He also knew she wouldn’t want the whole truth.
“It was no big deal,” Eddie lied, his blood pulsing through his veins at the memory of her body on display for him, her soft voice begging him to touch her.
“You’re full of shit,” Emily argued, pushing past him into the apartment.
Eddie closed the door behind her, wondering what she’d come over for. She was smiling when he’d opened the door, a small bag in her hand. He wondered what she’d brought over, why she was there, but he knew Emily well enough to know she had forgotten all about the bag and was focused on the night she couldn’t remember.
“When?” Emily asked, her voice low and still.
“New Year’s Eve.”
“That’s why I woke up in your t-shirt, only your t-shirt.”
Eddie swallowed the strangled groan that tried to rip from his gut and nodded.
“No,” Eddie said adamantly. “I would never do that.”
Emily’s eyes narrowed fiercely. “Never. You would never sleep with me. Good to know,” she said quietly, her face betraying the emotions she was fighting.
“No, Em, that’s not what I meant.” Eddie stepped forward and took her hands, imploring her to look at him. “Baby, I would worship you if given the chance. But I couldn’t sleep with you when you were so upset about Nick and too drunk to know what you were doing. You didn’t want me, not really. You wanted to piss Nick off, and I was here.”
Eddie hated that it was the truth. She didn’t want him. She never had. He was just a convenient fuck, but he wasn’t willing to be convenient or just a fuck to her. If he ever had her in his bed, and was lucky enough to be sharing it with her, she would only be thinking of him. No other man would enter her mind while he was with her. He would make sure of it.
But he’d never get the chance. Eddie wasn’t foolish enough to believe Emily would want him. And because of that a part of him would regret not sleeping with her that night, not having the memory of her body drawing his in, of her mouth on him, of her taste on his tongue. The bigger part of him knew he’d never forgive himself if he’d gone through with it, but the part that wanted her more than he wanted his next breath wished he had those memories to hold on to.