When I Die

I watched this video on Tuesday and it really made me think about my life. As December ticks past, and 2013, I’ve been reflecting on where I am in my world and where I’m going. A lot has changed in my life over the past 12 months, but I’m not entirely sure all of them were great changes!

  • Twelve months ago I was employed full time. I hated my job. With a passion. In January 2013, I was fired. It took me a long time to admit that to people. I was embarrassed. I hated the job and planned to quit three months later, but they beat me to it. I’ve realized over the last year that getting fired was the push I needed to get out of there because chances are I would have chickened out and stayed because the money was good.
  • Along with that, twelve months ago I was struggling to find time to do what I really wanted to do because of my day job. I would come home every evening frustrated and in a crappy mood. My relationship with my kids and husband was less than great. I still get irritated frequently, but I think it’s better!
  • A year ago we had a house, a credit card left to pay off, and one car. We sold the house in February, paid off the  credit card in March, and bought a new car in April. All of that was in the works before I lost my job, and I’m really happy those things still came true.

But today I sit back and think about where I’ll be in a year. I thought a lot more things would have changed in 2013. We are trying to move to Buffalo, but are stuck in an apartment in South Carolina until we can move. We want to build a new house, but don’t have the money for  a piece of property, let alone the new house I’m dreaming of. We are pulling money out of savings every month to make ends meet instead of living off what we bring in.

These things make me frustrated. I want our life to be exactly as I dream, but I know in many ways, these things don’t matter.

At the end of my life, it won’t matter what house I lived in or where. It won’t matter if I had $250,000 in debt or none (although I’d rather have none). It won’t matter if I worked a job I loved or not.

Or will it?

I love writing. And I’m good at it. If I have to go back to engineering, I won’t survive. Yeah, the money is good, but the job made me feel like I was suffocating every day. I can’t do it. Being in debt was the same way. I was always worried about someone knocking on the door and taking our house to pay our credit cards. And we weren’t ever behind on payments! And as for the house… I had a great house. Truly beautiful. But I hated it because it wasn’t really home. I want to be near family and friends. I want to have people in my life I can count on and enjoy spending time with.

I don’t know if any of this will show up in my obituary or not. But really, I don’t care. What I care about it how I feel and how much I enjoy my life while I’m here. And I’m going to do everything I can for however many days I have left to be happy and to enjoy my life!

Life Is Love

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I was browsing online and realized something. There are books out there for everyone. I know not everyone is going to love what I write, but I also know there are people out there who do. Plus, I need to be true to who I am about what I write and what I like.

But I’m always thinking up new ideas. Two of my ideas this week are about new series I’m hoping to write over the next few years. I love my Better In Bed series that just started with Wait For It and Cat and Ryder. I can’t wait to see where the entire series is going and the other interesting people we will meet. But I know myself well enough to know that I will get bored if I feel like I’m writing the same thing over and over again – meaning the same characters and scenery and general feeling. I need something different once in a while.

Then I realized there are other things I love and other ideas for me. So, I’m planning on a series about sports. I haven’t worked out any of the details yet, but I think it’ll be a lot of fun to write. More women enjoy sports then we really talk about, but sports is something I’ve always been involved with. Whether it’s playing sports, watching sports, or writing about sports, it’s a part of me. And I think it’ll be fun to work on.

Another thing I love is the holidays. With all the focus on Christmas right now, the holiday spirit is running wild with everyone. I think it could be fun to write a series based on holidays. This one is going to take some more work, but I like the idea of it.

Maybe you like these ideas and maybe you hate them. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll never actually write these books. But for right now, I know I’m feeling great about the new inspiration. Especially when my brain is on overload!

Love At First Sight

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I’m one of the lucky ones. When I met my hubby, I knew I would marry him. I’m not kidding. It’s weird. What I didn’t know was his name. Yes, I’m totally serious.

Hubby and I met the first day of our senior year of college. I was talking to a friend I hadn’t seen in almost a year (I was on an internship the second semester and summer of my junior year and hadn’t been at school in nine months). Hubby walked in and sat down, then joined our conversation with a smart-ass remark.

Typical for him.

But he got my attention. It was funny, but I don’t remember what he said. We started sitting near each other in class and talked almost every day, but it was three weeks before I found out his name.

We talked regularly in class, but didn’t see each other outside class. I thought he was dating another classmate, until she got married (again, yes I’m serious). We started flirting a little more heavily in February, five months after we met and two months after the classmate got married. It was still three more months before our first date, but we never looked back.

If someone had told me the day we met that I would marry him, my first question would have been, “What’s his name?” But I would never have doubted it. Not for a second.

In May we will have been married ten years. It’s strange that today I’m writing love stories but in real life I live the story every woman dreams of. It took hubby and I a while to get together, and we learn something new about each other all the time, but there’s never been a doubt that we are meant to be together.

And that’s what I want for my characters. It sounds silly, but I think of my characters as friends and I want them to be just as happy as I am. I’m glad I get to create their happily ever after, just like I get mine.

Beautiful Sunrise

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Dropping princess off at school yesterday, this was the sky. I had to take a picture.